Don't get me wrong. It's vitally important to work towards a great and fulfilling relationship - which of course does not happen over night. It takes time to really understand each other, to appreciate the differences, and to find that bliss that some couples are blessed with.
There is no substitute for great - honest -to goodness advice when making good relationship decisions. It will be your saving grace when you need to honesty look at yourself, mate or situation - in order to make serious decisions.
The media often portrays relationships as the saving grace of all problems, but they often fall very short of providing a strategy and game play of getting and nurturing those relationships. Some how these relationships just keep getting better, and if they don't - you simply part with a smile on your face and move on to the next victim.
Yeh right.
What is one to do - if people refer to you as either a doormat or a quitter depending on whether you stay in a miserable situation or leave.
Now that over two thirds of marriages end in divorce, the importance of good quality advice is paramount. Keep your eyes and ears open, right from the beginning. Make silent notes (or even written) of the behaviour that bothers you and don't make excuses for them. Similarly don't have unreasonable or unrealistic expectations.
Fore-warned is Fore-armed.
Do Any of These Unhealthy Relationship Types Sound Familiar?
1. The Aggressive
If you are experiencing any form of physical abuse - get out now. Especially if children are involved. Physical abuse cannot be tolerated.
Take action to maintain your safety - immediately. Discuss the 'relationship' only from a safe distance if you still think that there may be something to salvage.
You are not responsible for their happiness, childhood, moods or feelings. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness. Seek professional advice and support as you are not their therapist.
2. The Bitter One
They just love to highlight your mistakes and mishaps, and seem oblivious to your success and gifts. They are never happy for you.
Putting other people down, makes their feeble egos feel better. They are energy and emotional leeches.
Get out while you still have a back bone. If want to attempt to salvage this 'relationship' I recommend doing so with the help of a neutral third party - who will help point out their behaviour in a non-threatening way.
3. The Serial Woman / Man - izer
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They project their guilty emotions on to you by holding you responsible for all their suspicions, stress and unhappiness.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. Power Plays
If you go out with your friends or relatives - do they sulk?
Look out for subltle control scennarios such as unexpected illnesses or catastrophes just before you are about to have a night out with your friends.
They are insecure and feel threatened by you and those in your life, despite your numerous reassurances.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. The Libido Has Left The Room
If your drives are very different, or one of you recently had a loss of drive, then this of course could result in a bit of future tension.
It may be that a bit of support and understanding could make all the difference. Discuss things openly with your lover and act accordingly
The bedroom is and will aways be a bit of a battleground. Unless we can discuss things in a mature and honest manner, low drive could actually be a sign of boredom, fatigue, lack of intimacy, resentment and pure dislike of the other party.
6. The Hippy or Wild Spirit
They are still a 60's wild child. Although not so free and single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
You will end up drained, tired and resentful as you end up giving more than you get.
7. Faulty Goods
A long list of hurts is what these desperate 'victims' cling to.
If only they had the strength and courage to write these hurts down and pick out the patterns.
Their fragile selves never really accept the fact that you may like or love them, and are committed to them.
Warning - you may get bored of re-assuring them. The intervention of a neutral third party will help point out their negative and gloomy outlook.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
They are wonderful and wholesome just like apple pie. At least that's what they were told at home. They can do no wrong, therefore it is all your fault.
Still attached to their mother's apron strings or their dad's finger, they can never do wrong.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
Kick em to the curb if they still cling on to the 'i'm so wonderful' myth.
9. Cleanliness is Next to Godliness
What is that smell?! If you're like me and your stomach is not so strong, then poor personal and hygiene habits could make you run for the hills. Speed is of the essence.
I'm sure good personal care is a sign of a healthy mind - well atleast it's a start. Why would you expect anything less?
10. I'm Over Here!
Entirely focused on their selves, comfort and goals they often forget that you exist. However they still expect support and help from you - but if you need the same, you can forget about it.
Implement the 'three strikes and you're out' rule. Tell them in simple and straightforward terms - the minimum behaviour, manners and consideration that you expect from them. If they still don't get after the second 'talk' send them on their way.
You are not a door mat or slave. Get out.
Now that you have the ' 10 signs ' under your belt, you will be far more prepared when dealing with difficult situations. However always keep in mind that your behaviour may also have something to do with theirs. Therefore always first look at yourself and how you are contributing to the relationship. If you feel that you have been civil and reasonable, have honestly expressed your thoughts and things still haven't improved (despite some neutral third party help), then it's time to make some tough decisions.
Respect and consideration are the names of the game. You don't deserve anything less.
Happy relating! - 16463
There is no substitute for great - honest -to goodness advice when making good relationship decisions. It will be your saving grace when you need to honesty look at yourself, mate or situation - in order to make serious decisions.
The media often portrays relationships as the saving grace of all problems, but they often fall very short of providing a strategy and game play of getting and nurturing those relationships. Some how these relationships just keep getting better, and if they don't - you simply part with a smile on your face and move on to the next victim.
Yeh right.
What is one to do - if people refer to you as either a doormat or a quitter depending on whether you stay in a miserable situation or leave.
Now that over two thirds of marriages end in divorce, the importance of good quality advice is paramount. Keep your eyes and ears open, right from the beginning. Make silent notes (or even written) of the behaviour that bothers you and don't make excuses for them. Similarly don't have unreasonable or unrealistic expectations.
Fore-warned is Fore-armed.
Do Any of These Unhealthy Relationship Types Sound Familiar?
1. The Aggressive
If you are experiencing any form of physical abuse - get out now. Especially if children are involved. Physical abuse cannot be tolerated.
Take action to maintain your safety - immediately. Discuss the 'relationship' only from a safe distance if you still think that there may be something to salvage.
You are not responsible for their happiness, childhood, moods or feelings. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness. Seek professional advice and support as you are not their therapist.
2. The Bitter One
They just love to highlight your mistakes and mishaps, and seem oblivious to your success and gifts. They are never happy for you.
Putting other people down, makes their feeble egos feel better. They are energy and emotional leeches.
Get out while you still have a back bone. If want to attempt to salvage this 'relationship' I recommend doing so with the help of a neutral third party - who will help point out their behaviour in a non-threatening way.
3. The Serial Woman / Man - izer
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They project their guilty emotions on to you by holding you responsible for all their suspicions, stress and unhappiness.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. Power Plays
If you go out with your friends or relatives - do they sulk?
Look out for subltle control scennarios such as unexpected illnesses or catastrophes just before you are about to have a night out with your friends.
They are insecure and feel threatened by you and those in your life, despite your numerous reassurances.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. The Libido Has Left The Room
If your drives are very different, or one of you recently had a loss of drive, then this of course could result in a bit of future tension.
It may be that a bit of support and understanding could make all the difference. Discuss things openly with your lover and act accordingly
The bedroom is and will aways be a bit of a battleground. Unless we can discuss things in a mature and honest manner, low drive could actually be a sign of boredom, fatigue, lack of intimacy, resentment and pure dislike of the other party.
6. The Hippy or Wild Spirit
They are still a 60's wild child. Although not so free and single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
You will end up drained, tired and resentful as you end up giving more than you get.
7. Faulty Goods
A long list of hurts is what these desperate 'victims' cling to.
If only they had the strength and courage to write these hurts down and pick out the patterns.
Their fragile selves never really accept the fact that you may like or love them, and are committed to them.
Warning - you may get bored of re-assuring them. The intervention of a neutral third party will help point out their negative and gloomy outlook.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
They are wonderful and wholesome just like apple pie. At least that's what they were told at home. They can do no wrong, therefore it is all your fault.
Still attached to their mother's apron strings or their dad's finger, they can never do wrong.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
Kick em to the curb if they still cling on to the 'i'm so wonderful' myth.
9. Cleanliness is Next to Godliness
What is that smell?! If you're like me and your stomach is not so strong, then poor personal and hygiene habits could make you run for the hills. Speed is of the essence.
I'm sure good personal care is a sign of a healthy mind - well atleast it's a start. Why would you expect anything less?
10. I'm Over Here!
Entirely focused on their selves, comfort and goals they often forget that you exist. However they still expect support and help from you - but if you need the same, you can forget about it.
Implement the 'three strikes and you're out' rule. Tell them in simple and straightforward terms - the minimum behaviour, manners and consideration that you expect from them. If they still don't get after the second 'talk' send them on their way.
You are not a door mat or slave. Get out.
Now that you have the ' 10 signs ' under your belt, you will be far more prepared when dealing with difficult situations. However always keep in mind that your behaviour may also have something to do with theirs. Therefore always first look at yourself and how you are contributing to the relationship. If you feel that you have been civil and reasonable, have honestly expressed your thoughts and things still haven't improved (despite some neutral third party help), then it's time to make some tough decisions.
Respect and consideration are the names of the game. You don't deserve anything less.
Happy relating! - 16463
About the Author:
Hi I'm Rebecca Adams - and i've been giving relationship tips to singles and couples. So whether your new to dating, just starting a relationship, walking the dating minefield, or happily or unhappily married - there's something for you! Pick up your free Gift today : The 8 Keys to Having a Great Relationship Experience -- And Why it All Starts With YOU!
